For the future **

This can be a time of very successful energetic activity, if you proceed cautiously enough. You may be infected with an unjustified optimism that anything you do today will "turn to gold." It may, but it won't happen by luck. It will happen through intelligent planning and foresight, which are available to you under this influence if you make a conscious effort to take advantage of them. You act for the future under this influence, because you are more concerned with what can be done than with what is. Therefore this is a good time for furthering new projects. But do not overextend yourself and go beyond your resources, which is another temptation now. Also your fondness for taking risks can lead to accidents at this time, so be careful. You are not unlucky, you are just somewhat impulsive.

New Year, New Friends?? Blah Blah Blah...

Lately I've been feeling like it is time for a change.
I feel like I don't have really good friends.
I know that when your in a realtionship its kinda hard to maintain the balance between your life and the connections with your friends as well, but I feel like I am willing to try.
I hate that when I call my friends, they don't answer. But what is even worse is that they do not return my calls. I text and I get no response. What is going on with people today.??. I find it really disapointing.
Where did my friends go?
I just realized that I don't have really good friends.
I mean I just don't understand.
Maybe I've been a bad friend throught out the years that my friends don't really care about me anymore?
Strange.
Well I'm done dewelling on the past.
It is time for me to move forward with my life.
I will find really great friends.
And my connections with them will grow into wonderful friendships.

Anyways Goodnight.

): Miscommunication :(

Should I dare
to speak
is my opinion
too meek
do your ears
hear
what I'm saying
or is my purpose
sabotaged
by my lack
of strife
am I petty
and unsteady
do my
actions
seem
too ready
or is your
unwillingness
what needs
to be flexed
should I
bow down
and take heed
to the falsehoods
of your breed
and shy away
because
that's what you say
are my feelings
unjust
and do they reek of
mistrust
because
let me tell
you
we have
all been there
done that
seen crap
that makes us
sick
stomach gurgling
with vicious burgling
stealing our hopes
and dreams
and realms
of passions
and now were
crashing
off this high
of intuition
that's got me wishing
I was never given
a taste
of what its like
to be in your place
because now I'm
stuck
back in this
muck
and my rage
cannot
be re arranged

What I'm thankful for.....

Thanksgiving is the appointed time
for focusing on the good in our lives.
In each of our days,
we can find small blessings,
but too often we overlook them,
choosing instead to spend our time
paying attention to problems.
We give our energy
to those who cause us trouble
instead of those who bring peace.
Starting now,
let's be on the lookout
for the bits of pleasure in each hour,
and appreciate the people who
bring love and light to everyone
who is blessed to know them.
You are one of those people.
On Thanksgiving,
I'm thankful for you.
Happy Thanksgiving!

Cards on the Table.

My Honey Bear,

I'm just so worried.
I'm afraid that you'll forget about me including all we have shared together.
I don't know if I was necessarily looking for a real relationship when I meet you.
But I've realized that my life just won't be the same without you in it.
I don't want to lose you.
I understand that you have things in your life that are far more important than me at this given time.
But I've realized that I love you and you are so special there isn't anyone else that could even come close to filling your shoes.
I'm just sad and torn.
I'm afraid that you'll never come back.
I'm afraid that when you leave you'll probably be gone forever.
I don't want to give up on us.
I don't want to stop being apart of your life.
I mean everything, as I know it is about to change regardless how I feel about it.
The only thing I can do is sit back and except the circumstances.
I'm not a priority in you life.
The truth does hurt but I accept that.
I just wish that wasn't the case.
Our relationship will go from being this tangible thing to becoming just a phone call here and there and a couple of emails back in forth.
And of course I will visit you.
But what should I do just hope that you'll come back one day.
I mean I love you enough to try and work thru the distance.
But what if I just wait in vain for you to come back.
And if you do come back who's to say that you'll want to be with me.
I mean I got no clue how you feel.
Maybe you want options.
When I told you the other day that I don't worry about you cheating on me well it wasn't 100% true.
I mean I don't worry that you'll cheat on me.
But I do worry that what if you meet someone else that you'll like better than me. What if you meet someone else more attractive, smart, funny or just simply more appealing than me.
I guess I'm just afraid that you'll leave me.
I sometimes feel like maybe you could do better than me.
But I don't feel like I could do better than you.
You're kind, thoughtful, sweet, you inspire me to be a better person than I am and any woman would be so fortunate and lucky to have you in their life.
You're the first person that I've loved so much and actually felt like I was being loved back.
I feel like you return the love that I give to you.
But what is even better is I feel like you love me just as equal as I do you.
I've never had that.
I've always either loved so much and the guy didn't give a crap about me or the guy loved me so much but I didn't really return the affection.
I've never had a relationship where I felt like the love was equal and mutual.
It's just tricky.
For me I feel like at this moment in time there is no one else for me except you.
When you move away I assure you that I don't want to be with anyone else.
I'm not going to run off and find someone else to date.
Or anything like that.
I couldn't and not only that but I wouldn't because I know that there is no one out there that could even come close to making me feel like the way you make me feel.
I feel special.
I feel extraordinary with you.
I feel really loved.
And no one else could make me feel that.
I've never been a fan of the idea of a long distance relationship.
But I've never tried it and not only that but I've never met anyone worth the effort of even trying.
Except you.
I mean yes I realize 3-6months or even a year is a long time to be without the one you love, but if you look at it in relation to the how old I am and how much life I have left in me.
It's really not that long.
Life isn't easy.
Who knows how long you'll actually be gone.
Who knows if you'll ever return?
But just because your leaving I don't necessarily think we should break up and end the relationship just because of the distance.
I'm not done loving you.
I like lying next to you at night.
I love everything about you.
I feel like your prefect for me.
I just don't know what to do and I feel like I'm running out of time to figure it out. I mean I could just keep all these thoughts to myself and see what happens but this is my heart we are talking about.
And right now my heart is in your hands.
I'm afraid that you'll just say lets just see what happens.
But my sanity needs resolve.
I just can't leave things hanging out there.
I need to know what you want to do.
We can either stay together and work thru the long distance and be faithful to each other or break up and see other people.
I need to know.
I need to draw that line and have the conversation of what is expectable and unacceptable.
I mean when you go are we still "In a relationship" and faithful to each other?
Or do you want to leave things open-ended and be non-committal.
So just let me know what you want to do.
My point is that I love you enough to wait as long as I have to.
But what happens if you don't come back because you cant.
Then I guess our 4 months of being together is all we get together?
That just makes sad :(.
Is there a place for me in your life?
Does me loving you mean nothing to you?
Can you just leave me that easily and let me go?
Because I can't.
I'd fight to keep you in my life as long as possible.
Maybe I'm intense.
Maybe I'm overwhelming.
Maybe I'm dramatic and too sensitive sometimes.
But I'd love you as long as you'd let me love you.
I don't know what the future holds for us.
I can't really see past my nose at this giving time but I feel our relationship has potential to be something magnificent.
But are you willing to try and see what happens of it'?
Or are you going to just walk away and let me go, fade and just become another memory stored in the files in your brain?
Are you going to let our love go and disappear into the darkness of the night and forget all that we have shared?
I've learned a lot about myself while dating you.
And if there is anything I've learned from you is to be honest.
So this is me trying to get, as much out of my head so you can see where it is that I'm coming from.
So you can see how torn I am over this and why I'm upset and not myself.
I keep on thinking I should have known better than to get involved with you.
Your letter said it all the first time you ever wrote me:
"I am in no place to be looking for a girlfriend at this point in time, and am too old fashioned for the modern notions of casual "dating"/nsa."
But my instincts took over and I feel hard.
Now will I just be left to pick up the piece of where my heart once laid?
The reason I responded to you was because you got it.
You saw me and I couldn't help but be curious of finding out more about you.
And the more I learned about you the more I fell.
How could I not with these words:
"This IS the epic life we live, the moments between greatness may sometime feel so mundane. Liken it to a shimmer...where in that instant when the light hits just right. FLASH!...we rise then from the ordinary to the Mythical. It is the oscillations between our highest selves and lowest that make us the human race we are."

I don't want to be left with the feeling of regret because I didn't follow it thru and fight to save our relationship and speak my mind.
Never is a promise and the way I see it I cannot afford to lie.
So what do you think?
Are you overwhelmed by my intensity? Lol I hope not.

Anyways I love you.

Yours.

<3
Crislyn

P.S. Maybe I should just keep this all to myself and my journal and lulu (the red dragon) and just pretend that everything is fine and enjoy ever little minute shared with you.
But unfortunately I'm not wired that way. :(
Unfortunately I've experianced that life is too short to keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself.
Because it just might be the last time you get to share how your feeling with the one you love.

Orcids

Change

Change is inevitable,
But yet we fight it, just the same.

Change is essential to our evolution.

Change is going to happen,
In fact, it happens every day,
Maybe it is too small to see, or perhaps we would rather not see it.

We fight change, because we fight the unknown,
We fight the unknown, because we are scared,
Scared of change, scared of the unknown.

If we were to allow change to happen freely,
We might find solutions to the problems that exist around us,
But instead, we are hung - up on controlling everything around us.

Maybe this is the problem with the world today.
Everyone assumes control of everything and does not allow nature to run her course.

Maybe this is why, we have devastating fall out from Nature,
Natural catastrophic disasters, such as fire and flooding.

We fight change, therefore we are fighting nature and her natural being and her existence
in the world that she has created by God’s hand and has graciously allowed us to be a
part of .

We should welcome change and allow nature to control our destiny.

Change is uncontrollable,
Change is inevitable,
Change is the unknown.

Nature takes pride in being one of life’s illusive wonders, the unknown.

Happy halloweinie! =P

Fortune

By honoring your words, you are honored.

My new office

Dimension of greatness

No one can know the potential,
Of a life that is committed to win;
With courage - the challenge it faces,
To achieve great success in the end!

So, explore the Dimension of Greatness,
And believe that the world CAN be won;
By a mind that is fully committed,
KNOWING the task can be done!

Your world has no place for the skeptic,
No room for the DOUBTER to stand;
To weaken your firm resolution
That you CAN EXCEL in this land!

We must have VISION TO SEE our potential,
And FAITH TO BELIEVE that we can;
Then COURAGE TO ACT with conviction,
To become what GOD MEANT us to be!

So, possess the strength and the courage,
To conquer WHATEVER you choose;
It's the person WHO NEVER GETS STARTED,
That is destined FOREVER to lose!



i hope you like my poem :)

have a good day.


xoxo.


<3

Crislyn

Hollywood hills party

Inner dignity ***

Valid during many months: Your contacts with others will repeatedly make you aware of the fairly inflexible, rigid or conservative sides of your nature which sometimes makes you your worst enemy. You might notice that you sometimes deride weaknesses in others - ones which you are all too well aware of within yourself but would rather ignore. Such experiences can often be humiliating and we tend to react by distancing ourselves, clinging grimly on to old convictions. We are under no circumstances willing to change our point of view, and would rather criticize those who, consciously or not, are more open about their mistakes.

This influence gives you the opportunity to become more aware of such weaknesses within yourself. It is now particularly important that you try to accept these without immediately wanting to change them. After all, you do have your own unique virtues - a few character flaws don't make you completely unbearable! If you can learn to accept and tolerate your less desirable characteristics you will be less prone to feeling uneasy or reacting violently when faced with them in others. You will then develop a more relaxed and natural authority, based on an inner dignity which is characteristic of someone who has recognized the depths of their own soul.

On a more superficial level, this influence should make it easier for you to change course or break out of existing patterns in your life, even when faced with obstacles or resistance from others. This will in any case be a time of increasing psychological stability, in which you will feel more able to get in touch with your own aims and true values.

Passion And Erotic Lusts

A touch of skin soft and slippery,
With the hint of sweat.
We fought our resistance beneath the cool sheets,
As the wind flowed from the window above us.
Eyes met briefly and begged for the chance,
To abandon all of our uncertainties.
You began your work on my lips,
Probing gently as if drawing sex,
From a deep well of longing and need.
Then heated tongues met in the midst,
Of hot and quickening breath.
And greedily we drank the wine of our lusts.
Then intoxicated with those spirits,
Our clothes found resting place on the floor.
Piece by piece,
Until there were no hiding places,
For the two glistening and wanting bodies.
Hunger revealed in this hot moment.
Then skin meshed with skin,
As the floor became the stage.
You moved atop of me easily,
And lowered yourself gently.
Kissing me as I was filled with you.
As a gasp broke the kiss,
Your hands stroked the stray strands,
Away from my forehead, then became entangled.
Our slow rhythm gave way,
To urgent and demanding thrusts of passion,
As I arched my body for your comfort,
And you threw me into ecstasy,
With the strength of your blows.
You left me screaming and soaked,
In oblivion again and again,
As you growled my name from the back of your throat,
And our bodies both demanded more,
Each giving to the other,
High on the fluids of foreign substance.
I grasped, then released you,
Grasped then released you,
In effort to relieve you of your control.
The taste of your skin between my lips,
Was like no other.
To hear your cry of mercy,
When my teeth met your warm skin,
Was more breathtaking than you knew.
Yet I still released the control to you.
As you wound your hands in my hair,
And pulled until the flesh on my neck was taut,
You moved with one final and breaking blow,
Forcing our way to the peaks of bliss,
Leaving our screams to echo on like battle cries.
I welcomed the weight of you to crush me,
As you collapsed on top of me,
Still hot and burning,
And I glowing like an ember,
Casting a welcome light,
Should you seek my gifts again. 

 
<3
Crislyn

Joy is the essence of success.

Fire Please Don't Come Near My House

so ya right now its only 4 miles away.

and i can see alittle fire starting on top of the mountain right behind my house..
im scared :(

my heart goes out to those who lost there homes today :(

Roses from Ostiller Family

My honeybear.

Lilys from my boyfriend

It was an unexpected treat. I love you too christopher :)

Laundry Day.

Indian Braids

Mannix Drive - Hollywood Hills

Asland The Killer Dog

Sweet Jane

Anyone whos ever had a heart
Wouldnt turn around and break it
And anyone whos ever played a part
Wouldnt turn around and hate it
Sweet jane, sweet jane
Sweet, sweet jane

Youre waiting for jimmy down in the alley
Waiting there for him to come back home
Waiting down on the corner
And thinking of ways to get back home
Sweet jane, sweet jane
Sweet, sweet jane

Anyone whos ever had a dream
Anyone whos ever played a part
Anyone whos ever been lonely
And anyone whos ever split apart
Sweet jane, sweet jane
Sweet, sweet jane

Heavenly widened roses
Seem to whisper to me when you smile
Heavenly widened roses
Seem to whisper to me when you smile

La la la la, la la la, etc...

Sweet jane
Sweet, sweet jane

Rainy days

I woke up at christopher's house and my mom was having a birthday parety lunch. It started raining alittle bit. I like the rain. I like how it makes the ground and grass smell fresh and new. Anyways. Ill talk to you later.

<3
Cris

Fruit Loops

October Bullshit

So I don't know what to say.
I've been looking for jobs.
Can't seem to find one.
I'm working right now with Nicole part time.
I mean the work is really easy but I feel like I should be doing more....
I was so happy in June and July.
Now I'm not sure.
Maybe I'm depressed again or some junk.
I'm trying.
I think that is what gets me most.
When I try really hard and life just tosses obicles in my path.
No mater how much better I thin I am, I find that I haven't changed.
My life is ordinary and that makes me sad.
I've seem to lost my motivation to make my life better.
I dont know what I'm doing.
I do not really want to work a full time job.
But I do need the cash.
I was thinking about going back to school.
But what would I study?
Its such a shame.
I feel useless.
Anyways I"m gonna go.
Talk to you later.

So This Is Goodbye.

Verse 1:
I’m not hanging on to the memory of you.
But I find you in everything that I do.
I go through the motions of my life.
But I find you in the corners of my mind.

Chorus:
No way of knowing will life will lead me.
So this is goodbye. This is goodbye. Goodbye.

Verse 2:
I’m not looking for you to save me.
But I find you there every time that I fall.
Deep in my heart I see you there
Giving me the strength to move on.

Verse 3:
I’ll look towards the future that’s lying before me.
But I’ll find you there in every step that I take.
I’ll be stronger knowing you loved me.
But I’ll find you in every moment of the day.

Dragon

So I went and bought some art supplies today and this dragon is what I found and I started with it at like 3pm this afternoon and ended at about 8pm.
I can't believe it took me 5 hours.
I'm going to give it to CJ for his birthday.
I know its alittle childish but he loves dragons and dragon flies and stuff like that.
It's the thought that counts.
I hope he likes it.
I may have gone alittle over board with the glitter thought :( it was fun.
I should do more things like that.

Krispy Kreme

There's nothing like doughnuts on a sunday morning :).
Yummy!

Strawberry Fields

Drift In Dreams

Silent music shimmers gold
A whisper of the trees
A kiss of sunset hues
The melody is the spirit
Of our cherished ones
The rolling of the waves
And their fragrant sprays
Memories long forgotten
Embedded within pearl sands
Now so gently flown
Upon silver laden wings
To my own utopian lands
Remembrance now so sweet
A softened trace of your touch
A glance into gentle eyes
Consumed with blazing love
Your whisper breaks the distance
Caressing my shivering skin
And somehow the horizon melts
Your warmth embraces me
I am now safe to drift in dreams
Within your loving arms.

Guru the Kitty

Daily Journal

Lastnight I went over to christopher's house. We went to go see pineapple express. That movie was so funny. We came home took a shower and went to sleep.
This morning we are headed over to denny's to grab some breakfast and then go over to Ikea and come home and start unpacking all of his things.
I <3 days like these.

The Reasons I Love You

I love you because spending time with you makes me happy
I love you because you make me feel safe and secure
I love your smile
I love the way you say my name
I love the look in your eyes when you tell me you love me
And how you laugh at me when I do something silly
I love the fact that when I'm around you I can be myself and not worry
about what you may think of me, because I know you love me for who I am.
No matter what my faults may be.
I love being able to wake up with you by my side... It makes my days
better
At night I love watching you sleep, hearing you take each breath, and
feeling your heart beat with the palm of my hand... reality hits that you
are not a dream YOU ARE REAL.
I love the way you wrap your arms around me and hold me really tight, like
there is no tomorrow
And I love the way I feel when your lips barely touch mine for a kiss, the
love and emotions that go through me at that moment are unexplainable.
I love your laugh
I love hearing your voice
And hearing you tell me your stories, you could tell them to me a thousand
times, and I will never get tired of them, because they are a part of you.

But the main reason I love you is because.....

You are you!


<3
Crislyn

Jobless yet again

Sucks.
I don't want to be jobless.
But working for Melbe.
Well I don't get paid.
Sooooo why should I work for free.
Fuck.
I hate being broke.
I'm bored all day long.
Ya I've been house sitting and stuff.
But still I need to find a job.
Any job.
Haveing alot of free time just means trouble.
Oh well.
Hopefully I will get a job soon.
Anyways.

Talk to you later.

Do you know what time it is?

It's Cuddling Time!


the day has been
oh so long
the pressures
have been great
stress abounds
what we need
tonight is to
relax and just
cuddle in each
others arms
to snuggle skin
to skin, cheek to cheek
and let our hearts
dictate the rhythm
of our evening
sharing words that
remind us as well
as take us to paradise
melting into oneness
we escape into
peaceful sleep to
awaken to a beautiful
new day...what a
thrill to cuddle with
you tonight....

Taz The Happy Dog

I'm house sitting and pet sitting for the next week. This dog is so sweet he loves to play fetch :).

Cinamon Melts

Ya I'm addicted to them. ;)

Listen

Thank you for always being there,
To listen and understand me.
I appreciate all you did for me.

Thank you for making me feel whole again,
For putting my pieces back together.
I appreciate you helping me put my life back together,
You saved my life.

You may not understand,
Why I do what I do.
But you never criticized,
You just helped my through.

I knew I could come to you when I was down,
'cause I knew you'd always be there
to pick me back up
and say everything will be ok.

Mr Rockman

selfish

Food in my stomach
Hard like cement
Guilt for consumption
Anger is pent

Anger towards things
So misunderstood
And the mistakes
More bad than good

Emotions uncontrollable
How can I change?
It’s all subconscious
In this cage

For with our decisions made
How else can I breathe?
Sorry if in my outburst
You decide to leave

I’d understand
I’d mourn and cry
I’d realize the amount
Of times I’ve said I

Help Save the Rainforest!~

Become a Fan!

Here's a Flower for you.

Titaroni

Gus the dog and our walks.

Yukkiness.

Labor Day Junk

I slept in till about 2pm.
Got up ate some food that Chris had made the night before for dinner.
Well it ended up being my breakfast.
I ended up watching some Grey's Anatomy for shits and giggles.
Andrea came over to do some laundry.
Some more people came over Andriana came over.
She's pretty cool.
I meet her a couple weeks back at Nicole and Neil's Birthday party.
She was telling me all about her boyfriend.
I got to meet him. He seems really nice.
When everyone left I went back to watching grey's anatomy.
Christopher came home.
We ate quesdilla's mmmmmm yummy.
Then we went on down to drop of some stuff to his cousin's house.
It was a cute house.
I miss her doggie lance.
We all used to cuddle.
I guess now a day's house sitting for melbe.
I get to cuddle with her puppy gus.
He is a cute guy.
I miss my doggies ginger and mable.
Anyways after we dropped things off.
We drove on down to the beach.
Walked down a flight of stairs and sat on the beach and watched the waves.
Also made out a little.
My kind of fun.
Now we are back home watching some movie.

Talk to you later.

Love,
~Crislyn

Hollywood Sign

<3

Oh God.
I have discovered love.
how marvelous!
how good!
How beautiful it is!
my body is warm from the heat of this love.
how secret.
how deep.
how obvious it is.
i offer my salutations to the stars and the moon
to all my borthers and all my sisters
i offer my salutations to the spirit of passion
that arosed and excited this universe
and all it contains
i have fallen
unable to rise
what kind of trap is this?
what chains have tied my hands and feet?
it is so strange
and so wonderful
this loving helplessness of mine
be silent
do not reveal the secret
of my precious love


- rumi

Keith Richards 1979

Pinkberry

58 things you dont really need to know about me

1] Have you ever showered with someone other than at school?
Yes, Oh the trouble I get into.

2] Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
Kinda. I have his number though I never call him.
But once in a blue moon we will text eachother so I guess that counts as communication.

3] Where was the first kiss you had with the last person you kissed?
The First Kiss I had with my boyfriend now was when he kissed me on the check at Crane's. That night I believe I kissed him back on the check.
But really the first make out session was when I stayed in his hotel sweet in anaheim. Our first make out session was sooo hott. Wow.

4] Who is your last text from and what does it say?
Nicole "Just got out of acupuncture...will call u in 10 to figure out the rest of day..."

5] Burger King or Wendy's?
Wendy's

6] Latest you stayed up in the past week?
I dunno maybe 1:00am Monday Night.

7] Where are you right now?
House Sitting for Melbe

8] Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Yes.

9] What were you doing at 9:30 last night?
I was probably sitting on the couch with christopher.

10] Are you listening to music right now?
Yes, Ben Harper

11] Was it a boy or a girl to text you first today?
It was a boy I know named Johnny. "R You Out"

12] What is the 7th text in your inbox say and from who?
Christopher "it is funny i just walked to my truck and stared at my phone thinking of you.... may your sexy legs enjoy the bubbles..Am glad my plug fits your hole :)"

13] Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
Nah. I dont ever want a tat or anything other than my ears pierced.

14] How long can you go without your phone?
Maybe like an hour at the most.

15] Who was the last person you talked to on the phone & what did you talk
about?
Alice, eh she wants me to go hangout with her and her boyfriend.
But I'd rather just kick it at home and watch tv.

16] Who last called you babe/baby?
I dunno. I'm not sure Christopher calls me Baby.

17] Does your phone ring in the middle of the night often?
Ahahahahaha always.

18] Do you know anyone who is married that shouldn't be?
No.

19] If your ex said they hate you, you say?
i would say, "get over it."

20] Do you curse in front of your parents?
Ya all the time. Though my mom get's pissed off when I say Fuck.
She just really hates that word. I think its funny when she is angry.

21] What is your current annoyance?
Nothing at the moment I'm pretty chill.

22] Last time you saw fireworks, with whom & where?
4 of july. I was with paul and we where on top of my roof in tujunga watching the fireworks go off at verdugo hills highschool

23] Who did you last lay in bed with?
Christopher and Gus (the dog)

24] Are you afraid of roller coasters?
No roller costers are fun!

25] What would you do if your best friend told you they were moving?
I would probably help them pack. Throw a party. And plan to visit them soon.

26] Macy's gift card or Hollister gift card?
Macy's

27] Who pissed you off yesterday?
no one.

28] At what age do you want to be married?
Hopefully 35.

29] Where is your mom right now?
home probably watching tv

30] What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Probably play guitar or writing song. But right now I feel like just doing nothing.
I may watch alittle grey's antomy later.

31] Are you slowly drifting away from someone?
not on purpose. but yes i have some friends that i am drifting away from.
but that is more there choosing then mine.

32] When was the last time you felt unbearably guilty?
i dont really feel guilty ever! i guess that could be a probablem in the future.

33] Are you bored?
not really.

34] What girls can you tell everything to?
teri, alice, gemma, candice, aisha, melbe,

35] The last person you talked to on AIM/MSN?
im logged on now at the moment

36] Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with an A?
Yes

37] Can you play guitar hero?
i've never tried playing guitar hero

38] Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
cold- i hate being hot and sticky

39] What do you currently hear right now?
the flow of traffiic outside and some people walking down the street and talking

40] Three days in a hotel or NFL game tickets?
hotel... i hate nfl. blah gross

41] How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
35-37.

42] Would you rather watch football or baseball?
baseball. i fucken hate football.

43] Where is your number one person on your friends list?
christopher. hmm he is probably at a bbq or at crane's night out with the boys (rolling my eyes)

44] What's your ringtone?
diamond's on the inside - ben harper

45] Three things you did yesteday?
played guitar, had sex, ate food.

46] When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?
let them go. if we become friends again. it will happen eventually.

47] Looking back, did you ever waste too much time on a someone that treated you bad?
hell ya. this douche bag i dated when i was like 19. i was with the mother fucker for like a year. well im glad it was only a year.

48] Have you ever kissed in the rain?
no i dont think i ever have.

49] Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?
all the time :)

50] What are you doing tonight?
i want to watch my movies, clean, and paint!!!!!

51] Do you know anyone who is pregnant?
yeah. my friend nicole.

52] Do you still talk to the person you last kissed?
yeah. i will see him later :)

53] Does anyone hate you?
not that i know off.

54] Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
sure why not.

55] Do you want a small or big wedding?
small outdoor wedding just family and close friends

56] Who was the last girl you talked to?
Alice

57] Who was the last guy you talked to?
Christopher.

58] Have you ever kissed anyone who's named started with a R?
3 all totally not worth mentioning lol!

I yearn to be....me.

I wait with open arms,
open mind and spirit.
I search for answers
only known to the Universe,
the void of darkness and light.

I hunger for the yearning.

I wait for life,
for the breath of heat
that inflames my lungs, my heart.
The pitter-patter of beats,
the pulse of need...
desire.

I embrace the yearning.

Want and need fill me,
obliterating in frenzy
all conscious thought.

I wait for the yearning...
And pray for it
to never end.
I yearn to be....me.

Buble Bath Heaven.

So I took a bubble bath today.
I love bubble baths.
Where I live now there isn't a tub that I can take baths at.
I'm house sitting for the week and there is a huge bathtub here at the house.
So today I took advantage of the situation and soaked in the tub for about 2 hours.
My fingers got all wrinkly.
Gross.

Time to de-stress.

Because of my past,
Awful and dreadful I've been cast
I feel lost, knowing not what to do...
Where to go now or whom to turn to.
Totally Stressed... inside and out

Because of those days
Stumbling around in a haze,
As my beautiful candle burned out.
Shadows now haunt me...
Stressing me... Inside and out.

I'm clearly not here.
I have lost all that was dear.
I should give up-- or perhaps already have.
I feel my life is over, there is no salve,
Only stress... inside and out.

I'm embarassed and hurting,
And so terribly ashamed
Guilt-ridden and sorry for the troubles for others
On whom I've blamed. For them, and me
I cry... inside and out.

Through my fingers life has slipped,
My heart feels pummeled, broken, ripped.
Can i throw these dark memories into the sea,
Like cremated ashes, all that old me?
Cleansing...inside and out

My soul craves a new start,
Need to jumps tart my heart.
Could i really start over again?
Am I sincere, a fool, or fooling?
Another pretend... inside and out

I need fresh wax, a new candle mold
A spirited scent for someone to hold.
To light it and wish for sweet inner-peace
To burn at one end, the old life to cease
No more stressing... inside and out.

I pray the lost child hiding in me
Will come take my hand, help me to see
I'm not alone, just lonely inside.
It's a stressful world where "little me" hides.
Time to evolve... inside and out

My chrysalis is hard, not easy to break,
Endurance I know, but the goal to re-wake
Means to re-love myself-- and treasure that wealth.
I've got to commit mind, body and soul.
Time to de-stress... inside and out.

Pick up stix

Working as a personal assistant for the week.
I saw this and thought it was funny.
Typing dragon.
Weird.

Clip Art

Time of my life.

So I had a show on friday and it was the most fun I've had at a show for a really long time. I felt really good about my performance. I got a sponsership with belldini clothing. So I got to wear this really cool top. Not to mention that there was a lot of people there that night made me feel really great! I feel like as the show progressed the applause got longer and louder after each song tha makes me happy. Also I meet these girls who really enjoyed the show too! They where cool :).

That's all for now :).

Goodnight.

<3
Crislyn

You give me wings!

Bowling what fun!