The Way I See Things: October 2011

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Don't be fooled by me.

Don't be fooled by the face I wear.

For I wear a mask.
I wear a thousand masks-

masks that I'm afraid to take off

and none of them are me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me

but don't be fooled,

for God's sake, don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I'm secure

That all is sunny and unruffled with me within as well as without,

that confidence is my name

and coolness my game,

that the water's calm

and I'm in command,

and that I need no one.

But don't believe me. Please!

My surface may be smooth but my surface is my mask,

My ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.

Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.

Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.

But I hide this.

I don't want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my

weaknesses

and fear exposing them.

That's why I frantically create my masks

to hide behind.

They're nonchalant, sophisticated facades

to help me pretend,

To shield me from the glance that

knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation,

my only salvation,

and I know it.

That is, if it's followed by acceptance,

and if it's followed by love.

It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself

from my own self-built prison walls

I dislike hiding, honestly

I dislike the superficial game I'm playing,

the superficial phony game.

I'd really like to be genuine and me.

But I need your help, your hand to hold

Even though my masks would tell you otherwise

That glance from you is the only thing that assures me

of what I can't assure myself,

that I'm really worth something.

But I don't tell you this.

I don't dare.

I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh

and your laugh would kill me.

I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing,

that I'm just no good

and you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game

With a facade of assurance without,

And a trembling child within.

So begins the parade of masks,

The glittering but empty parade of masks,

and my life becomes a front.

I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk.

I tell you everything that's nothing

and nothing of what's everything,

of what's crying within me.

So when I'm going through my routine

do not be fooled by what I'm saying

Please listen carefully and try to hear

what I'm not saying

Hear what I'd like to say

but what I can not say.

It will not be easy for you,

long felt inadequacies make my defenses strong.

The nearer you approach me

the blinder I may strike back.

Despite what books say of women, I am irrational;

I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.

You wonder who I am

you shouldn't

for I am everyman

and everywoman

who wears a mask.
Don't be fooled by me.
At least not by the face I wear.

Follow my blog: www.crislynsandisat.blogspot.com

Ten Times A Day Sounds About Right Paulie

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Pancakes & Sausage for Breakfast!

Friday, October 28, 2011

Seasons of Carnal Desire

Unexpected love, carnal desire.
What did I do to turn your thoughts my way?
Why did the fates for our hearts conspire?

You gazed at me and saw me entire,
And found instead amidst hearts run astray
Unexpected Love, carnal desire.

A new love for us then did transpire
Molded into stars from unhappy clay
Why did the fates for our hearts conspire?

Purged hope of love from my heart entire
Though what found me out was that summer day
Unexpected Love, carnal desire.

You lit the match that set my soul on fire,
My autumn love did kindle into may,
Why did the fates for our hearts conspire?

The winter of my life calls me liar
I confess these things of you when I pray:
Unexpected Love, carnal desire.
Why did the fates for our hearts conspire?

Follow my blog: www.crislynsandisat.blogspot.com

"I choose to make the rest of my life the best of my life" - Louise L. Hay

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Crislyn's Halloween Show & Fundrasing

Hosted by Crislyn Sand

Crislyn Sand wanted to remind you that Crislyn's Halloween Show & Fundrasing is coming up on 10/27/2011 at 6:30 PM.

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Sunday, October 23, 2011

In'n Out

What He does the dishes? Amazing.

Breakfast Time!

French Toast !

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Open my...

Open my heart,
seeing that you already have the key,
Open my heart to meet with the pleasure of your life,
Open my heart,
So far you will find your heart desire,
Open my heart to come accross your life wonders,
Open my heart,
To determine that it was for good,
Open my heart,
To get to know utterly its aspiration,
Open my heart,
In order to find what I devoted for you,
Open my heart,
That's the only way to verify the truth,
Open my heart,
To find no difficulty to trust me,
Open my heart,
This where resides the true love,
Open my heart,
I'm so exhausted to give evidence of love,
Open my heart,
I can't resist no more, even for a second,
Open my heart.
...and that would be a passionate triumph!