Thanksgiving is the appointed time
for focusing on the good in our lives.
In each of our days,
we can find small blessings,
but too often we overlook them,
choosing instead to spend our time
paying attention to problems.
We give our energy
to those who cause us trouble
instead of those who bring peace.
Starting now,
let's be on the lookout
for the bits of pleasure in each hour,
and appreciate the people who
bring love and light to everyone
who is blessed to know them.
You are one of those people.
On Thanksgiving,
I'm thankful for you.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Cards on the Table.
My Honey Bear,
I'm just so worried.
I'm afraid that you'll forget about me including all we have shared together.
I don't know if I was necessarily looking for a real relationship when I meet you.
But I've realized that my life just won't be the same without you in it.
I don't want to lose you.
I understand that you have things in your life that are far more important than me at this given time.
But I've realized that I love you and you are so special there isn't anyone else that could even come close to filling your shoes.
I'm just sad and torn.
I'm afraid that you'll never come back.
I'm afraid that when you leave you'll probably be gone forever.
I don't want to give up on us.
I don't want to stop being apart of your life.
I mean everything, as I know it is about to change regardless how I feel about it.
The only thing I can do is sit back and except the circumstances.
I'm not a priority in you life.
The truth does hurt but I accept that.
I just wish that wasn't the case.
Our relationship will go from being this tangible thing to becoming just a phone call here and there and a couple of emails back in forth.
And of course I will visit you.
But what should I do just hope that you'll come back one day.
I mean I love you enough to try and work thru the distance.
But what if I just wait in vain for you to come back.
And if you do come back who's to say that you'll want to be with me.
I mean I got no clue how you feel.
Maybe you want options.
When I told you the other day that I don't worry about you cheating on me well it wasn't 100% true.
I mean I don't worry that you'll cheat on me.
But I do worry that what if you meet someone else that you'll like better than me. What if you meet someone else more attractive, smart, funny or just simply more appealing than me.
I guess I'm just afraid that you'll leave me.
I sometimes feel like maybe you could do better than me.
But I don't feel like I could do better than you.
You're kind, thoughtful, sweet, you inspire me to be a better person than I am and any woman would be so fortunate and lucky to have you in their life.
You're the first person that I've loved so much and actually felt like I was being loved back.
I feel like you return the love that I give to you.
But what is even better is I feel like you love me just as equal as I do you.
I've never had that.
I've always either loved so much and the guy didn't give a crap about me or the guy loved me so much but I didn't really return the affection.
I've never had a relationship where I felt like the love was equal and mutual.
It's just tricky.
For me I feel like at this moment in time there is no one else for me except you.
When you move away I assure you that I don't want to be with anyone else.
I'm not going to run off and find someone else to date.
Or anything like that.
I couldn't and not only that but I wouldn't because I know that there is no one out there that could even come close to making me feel like the way you make me feel.
I feel special.
I feel extraordinary with you.
I feel really loved.
And no one else could make me feel that.
I've never been a fan of the idea of a long distance relationship.
But I've never tried it and not only that but I've never met anyone worth the effort of even trying.
Except you.
I mean yes I realize 3-6months or even a year is a long time to be without the one you love, but if you look at it in relation to the how old I am and how much life I have left in me.
It's really not that long.
Life isn't easy.
Who knows how long you'll actually be gone.
Who knows if you'll ever return?
But just because your leaving I don't necessarily think we should break up and end the relationship just because of the distance.
I'm not done loving you.
I like lying next to you at night.
I love everything about you.
I feel like your prefect for me.
I just don't know what to do and I feel like I'm running out of time to figure it out. I mean I could just keep all these thoughts to myself and see what happens but this is my heart we are talking about.
And right now my heart is in your hands.
I'm afraid that you'll just say lets just see what happens.
But my sanity needs resolve.
I just can't leave things hanging out there.
I need to know what you want to do.
We can either stay together and work thru the long distance and be faithful to each other or break up and see other people.
I need to know.
I need to draw that line and have the conversation of what is expectable and unacceptable.
I mean when you go are we still "In a relationship" and faithful to each other?
Or do you want to leave things open-ended and be non-committal.
So just let me know what you want to do.
My point is that I love you enough to wait as long as I have to.
But what happens if you don't come back because you cant.
Then I guess our 4 months of being together is all we get together?
That just makes sad :(.
Is there a place for me in your life?
Does me loving you mean nothing to you?
Can you just leave me that easily and let me go?
Because I can't.
I'd fight to keep you in my life as long as possible.
Maybe I'm intense.
Maybe I'm overwhelming.
Maybe I'm dramatic and too sensitive sometimes.
But I'd love you as long as you'd let me love you.
I don't know what the future holds for us.
I can't really see past my nose at this giving time but I feel our relationship has potential to be something magnificent.
But are you willing to try and see what happens of it'?
Or are you going to just walk away and let me go, fade and just become another memory stored in the files in your brain?
Are you going to let our love go and disappear into the darkness of the night and forget all that we have shared?
I've learned a lot about myself while dating you.
And if there is anything I've learned from you is to be honest.
So this is me trying to get, as much out of my head so you can see where it is that I'm coming from.
So you can see how torn I am over this and why I'm upset and not myself.
I keep on thinking I should have known better than to get involved with you.
Your letter said it all the first time you ever wrote me:
"I am in no place to be looking for a girlfriend at this point in time, and am too old fashioned for the modern notions of casual "dating"/nsa."
But my instincts took over and I feel hard.
Now will I just be left to pick up the piece of where my heart once laid?
The reason I responded to you was because you got it.
You saw me and I couldn't help but be curious of finding out more about you.
And the more I learned about you the more I fell.
How could I not with these words:
"This IS the epic life we live, the moments between greatness may sometime feel so mundane. Liken it to a shimmer...where in that instant when the light hits just right. FLASH!...we rise then from the ordinary to the Mythical. It is the oscillations between our highest selves and lowest that make us the human race we are."
I don't want to be left with the feeling of regret because I didn't follow it thru and fight to save our relationship and speak my mind.
Never is a promise and the way I see it I cannot afford to lie.
So what do you think?
Are you overwhelmed by my intensity? Lol I hope not.
Anyways I love you.
Yours.
<3
Crislyn
P.S. Maybe I should just keep this all to myself and my journal and lulu (the red dragon) and just pretend that everything is fine and enjoy ever little minute shared with you.
But unfortunately I'm not wired that way. :(
Unfortunately I've experianced that life is too short to keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself.
Because it just might be the last time you get to share how your feeling with the one you love.
I'm just so worried.
I'm afraid that you'll forget about me including all we have shared together.
I don't know if I was necessarily looking for a real relationship when I meet you.
But I've realized that my life just won't be the same without you in it.
I don't want to lose you.
I understand that you have things in your life that are far more important than me at this given time.
But I've realized that I love you and you are so special there isn't anyone else that could even come close to filling your shoes.
I'm just sad and torn.
I'm afraid that you'll never come back.
I'm afraid that when you leave you'll probably be gone forever.
I don't want to give up on us.
I don't want to stop being apart of your life.
I mean everything, as I know it is about to change regardless how I feel about it.
The only thing I can do is sit back and except the circumstances.
I'm not a priority in you life.
The truth does hurt but I accept that.
I just wish that wasn't the case.
Our relationship will go from being this tangible thing to becoming just a phone call here and there and a couple of emails back in forth.
And of course I will visit you.
But what should I do just hope that you'll come back one day.
I mean I love you enough to try and work thru the distance.
But what if I just wait in vain for you to come back.
And if you do come back who's to say that you'll want to be with me.
I mean I got no clue how you feel.
Maybe you want options.
When I told you the other day that I don't worry about you cheating on me well it wasn't 100% true.
I mean I don't worry that you'll cheat on me.
But I do worry that what if you meet someone else that you'll like better than me. What if you meet someone else more attractive, smart, funny or just simply more appealing than me.
I guess I'm just afraid that you'll leave me.
I sometimes feel like maybe you could do better than me.
But I don't feel like I could do better than you.
You're kind, thoughtful, sweet, you inspire me to be a better person than I am and any woman would be so fortunate and lucky to have you in their life.
You're the first person that I've loved so much and actually felt like I was being loved back.
I feel like you return the love that I give to you.
But what is even better is I feel like you love me just as equal as I do you.
I've never had that.
I've always either loved so much and the guy didn't give a crap about me or the guy loved me so much but I didn't really return the affection.
I've never had a relationship where I felt like the love was equal and mutual.
It's just tricky.
For me I feel like at this moment in time there is no one else for me except you.
When you move away I assure you that I don't want to be with anyone else.
I'm not going to run off and find someone else to date.
Or anything like that.
I couldn't and not only that but I wouldn't because I know that there is no one out there that could even come close to making me feel like the way you make me feel.
I feel special.
I feel extraordinary with you.
I feel really loved.
And no one else could make me feel that.
I've never been a fan of the idea of a long distance relationship.
But I've never tried it and not only that but I've never met anyone worth the effort of even trying.
Except you.
I mean yes I realize 3-6months or even a year is a long time to be without the one you love, but if you look at it in relation to the how old I am and how much life I have left in me.
It's really not that long.
Life isn't easy.
Who knows how long you'll actually be gone.
Who knows if you'll ever return?
But just because your leaving I don't necessarily think we should break up and end the relationship just because of the distance.
I'm not done loving you.
I like lying next to you at night.
I love everything about you.
I feel like your prefect for me.
I just don't know what to do and I feel like I'm running out of time to figure it out. I mean I could just keep all these thoughts to myself and see what happens but this is my heart we are talking about.
And right now my heart is in your hands.
I'm afraid that you'll just say lets just see what happens.
But my sanity needs resolve.
I just can't leave things hanging out there.
I need to know what you want to do.
We can either stay together and work thru the long distance and be faithful to each other or break up and see other people.
I need to know.
I need to draw that line and have the conversation of what is expectable and unacceptable.
I mean when you go are we still "In a relationship" and faithful to each other?
Or do you want to leave things open-ended and be non-committal.
So just let me know what you want to do.
My point is that I love you enough to wait as long as I have to.
But what happens if you don't come back because you cant.
Then I guess our 4 months of being together is all we get together?
That just makes sad :(.
Is there a place for me in your life?
Does me loving you mean nothing to you?
Can you just leave me that easily and let me go?
Because I can't.
I'd fight to keep you in my life as long as possible.
Maybe I'm intense.
Maybe I'm overwhelming.
Maybe I'm dramatic and too sensitive sometimes.
But I'd love you as long as you'd let me love you.
I don't know what the future holds for us.
I can't really see past my nose at this giving time but I feel our relationship has potential to be something magnificent.
But are you willing to try and see what happens of it'?
Or are you going to just walk away and let me go, fade and just become another memory stored in the files in your brain?
Are you going to let our love go and disappear into the darkness of the night and forget all that we have shared?
I've learned a lot about myself while dating you.
And if there is anything I've learned from you is to be honest.
So this is me trying to get, as much out of my head so you can see where it is that I'm coming from.
So you can see how torn I am over this and why I'm upset and not myself.
I keep on thinking I should have known better than to get involved with you.
Your letter said it all the first time you ever wrote me:
"I am in no place to be looking for a girlfriend at this point in time, and am too old fashioned for the modern notions of casual "dating"/nsa."
But my instincts took over and I feel hard.
Now will I just be left to pick up the piece of where my heart once laid?
The reason I responded to you was because you got it.
You saw me and I couldn't help but be curious of finding out more about you.
And the more I learned about you the more I fell.
How could I not with these words:
"This IS the epic life we live, the moments between greatness may sometime feel so mundane. Liken it to a shimmer...where in that instant when the light hits just right. FLASH!...we rise then from the ordinary to the Mythical. It is the oscillations between our highest selves and lowest that make us the human race we are."
I don't want to be left with the feeling of regret because I didn't follow it thru and fight to save our relationship and speak my mind.
Never is a promise and the way I see it I cannot afford to lie.
So what do you think?
Are you overwhelmed by my intensity? Lol I hope not.
Anyways I love you.
Yours.
<3
Crislyn
P.S. Maybe I should just keep this all to myself and my journal and lulu (the red dragon) and just pretend that everything is fine and enjoy ever little minute shared with you.
But unfortunately I'm not wired that way. :(
Unfortunately I've experianced that life is too short to keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself.
Because it just might be the last time you get to share how your feeling with the one you love.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Change
Change is inevitable,
But yet we fight it, just the same.
Change is essential to our evolution.
Change is going to happen,
In fact, it happens every day,
Maybe it is too small to see, or perhaps we would rather not see it.
We fight change, because we fight the unknown,
We fight the unknown, because we are scared,
Scared of change, scared of the unknown.
If we were to allow change to happen freely,
We might find solutions to the problems that exist around us,
But instead, we are hung - up on controlling everything around us.
Maybe this is the problem with the world today.
Everyone assumes control of everything and does not allow nature to run her course.
Maybe this is why, we have devastating fall out from Nature,
Natural catastrophic disasters, such as fire and flooding.
We fight change, therefore we are fighting nature and her natural being and her existence
in the world that she has created by God’s hand and has graciously allowed us to be a
part of .
We should welcome change and allow nature to control our destiny.
Change is uncontrollable,
Change is inevitable,
Change is the unknown.
Nature takes pride in being one of life’s illusive wonders, the unknown.
But yet we fight it, just the same.
Change is essential to our evolution.
Change is going to happen,
In fact, it happens every day,
Maybe it is too small to see, or perhaps we would rather not see it.
We fight change, because we fight the unknown,
We fight the unknown, because we are scared,
Scared of change, scared of the unknown.
If we were to allow change to happen freely,
We might find solutions to the problems that exist around us,
But instead, we are hung - up on controlling everything around us.
Maybe this is the problem with the world today.
Everyone assumes control of everything and does not allow nature to run her course.
Maybe this is why, we have devastating fall out from Nature,
Natural catastrophic disasters, such as fire and flooding.
We fight change, therefore we are fighting nature and her natural being and her existence
in the world that she has created by God’s hand and has graciously allowed us to be a
part of .
We should welcome change and allow nature to control our destiny.
Change is uncontrollable,
Change is inevitable,
Change is the unknown.
Nature takes pride in being one of life’s illusive wonders, the unknown.
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