Work work and more work

So I just spent the weekend relaxing. Last week was a busy week for me.
I had lunch with austin on wedneday. And then hungout with one of my other freinds on Thursday. I saw Martha on Sunday, she came over to my house and we all talked in my back yard.
I ended up buying a new computer and paul helped me install all my old files to my new macbook.
I looooooveeee my new computer. Its so awesome!
I plan to make alot of video blogs and post them up on youtube.
I just haven't had a chance to do that just yet.
To was a good day. I went over to ECC and just paid some bills and junk.
I like my job. Its really cool. For the first time I feel content and happy.
Anyways that's all for now. I will talk to you later :)

Love,
~Cris

If Only I Knew

It is you I think of
My fingertips touching your lips
Moving slowly to your cheeks
And lightly over closed eyes

A breath sucked in
And slowly exhaled
Is my touch painful?
My fingers keep moving

I can feel your breath on my face
As you move closer
My heart beats faster
Faster

Anticipation
Waiting for your lips to touch mine
Waiting
I wet my lips
I’m waiting

Your lips touch mine gently
Too gently
Hearts beat faster
Echoing

I lean forward
Strong hands on my back
Bring me closer
Not close enough

Mouths open wider
Hands move to my neck and up
To cup my head
Fingers snake through my hair

You hold on tighter
Your grasp pulls me forward
My hair is loose now
Twisted through your fingers

Thigh touches thigh
Your hard chest is strained against me
Hands slowly fall away
I open my eyes

Looking into yours I see myself
I hope you’re thinking what I am
I wish I knew
If only I knew

girl tree

things i did today

i went to work.
went to a dr's appoinement i had.
hungout with my girlfriend nitai and her friend.
we went to go see iron man and had thai food for dinner i had a good time.
not to mention i chatted with my friend ;)

anyways goodnight

temp-tations

Seconds pass by,
seems like infinity.

Relaxing thoughts,
I enjoy the tranquility.

Faith has been restored,
just in time for deception.

A dance with the devil,
at his reception.

At first, I respectfully decline
knowing well his ways of temptation.

He urges me to come forth,
to embrace his manipulation.

I struggle inside,
with good and bad.

I'm stronger than this,
how pitiful I am, how sad.

But, wanting and needing
I feel my own heart bleeding.

Desires of the flesh manipulating my mind,
knowing this is his power to win my kind.

I give in to what feels so right,
the devil is now just an oversight.

Moment of truth, my decisions were wrong,
my punishment will be harsh and strong.

Slapped with reality,
not knowing the vitality.

Hungry regrets,
as I laid down his bets.

Sufficated by silence,
fear is within.

Wanting to cry,
not knowing how.

The Devil subsides,
he wants me to bow.

...Un-wanted Love...

What a hindrance, what a pain,
To find myself in love again.
I hope its lust confused with joy,
For I can never have this boy.

My youthful heart is too easily won,
I hate how this game is never fun.
For the outcome is always the same,
I'm alone in my feelings, nothing to gain.

Twice this has happened and twice it has hurt,
I climbed up to heaven and landed face first in the dirt.
Rejection is painful, so I dream of embrace.
My senses lose focus when I think of your face.

So I rein in my feelings, and pull back the tears,
Reminding myself that I have many years.
My pride is shattered as I try to regroup,
Blaming the hormones of what we call youth.

My imagination is spinning most terrible lies,
As my memory reminds me of heart aching cries,
I promise to forget you, for today is anew,
But I know that tommorow, I'll awake thinking of you.

Impersonal Contact

why has sites like myspace and facebook become to popular?
i understand that they are a easier way of each person having there own personal website.
but why do people send comments instead of call?
why do people text instead of call?
is it that its more to the point if you write how you feel?
i feel like if someone wants to talk to me.
then why not just pick up the phone and call?
well i don't blame anyone but i think its not as much fun as hearing someones voice on the phone.
i love the way people sound.
i think if you want to you should call if you want to hear from me.

daily grind

work work and more work.
that's all i did today besides hangout with melbe for a bit.

love = blah blah blah

I feel like my heart has lost the capability to love.

I mean I can’t really feel love anymore.

I just feel numb, I feel empty.

I know I have a lot to be grateful for.

I am happy. I am lucky. I am content.

But I feel like I want more out of life.

I want to go out and live the life that I dream of.

I want to be in an amazing relationship.

Where I feel loved, I feel safe, I feel secure.

I want to be with just one person.

I want to feel love again.

But I don’t know how to anymore.

I miss you.

I miss just laying around in bed with you all day.

I miss taking showers with you.

I miss rolling over and having you right there for me to hold.

You always made me feel love.

I wish I could have you back in my life.

You where more than everything I ever needed.

I know I can live my life with out you.

But I don’t know if I could ever really love anyone the way I loved you.

I mean it was real.

We where real.

We where able to live together and be happy.

Sometimes I wish we never broke up.

My life was better with you in it.

I miss having you always there at my side.

I miss your spaghetti. Man you really loved that stuff.

When I think of you, I think of everything great about you.

I remember when you told me a million years ago.

I can offer you love and loyalty. That meant a lot to me.

The last couple of months that we spent together before you left where amazing.

I felt like I was discovering loss Angeles for the first time.

I felt sad to know you wouldn’t be just 30 miles from my house.

I felt like I was mourning you.

It makes me want to cry knowing that I can’t just go over to your apartment and sleep next to you.

I think that’s what I miss most.

I miss cuddling.

I wish I could summon up the courage to tell you just how important you are to me.

I don’t want to lose that.

Its hard knowing that we aren’t apart of each others everyday lives.

I mean we talk everyone once and a while but it’s not the same.

We aren’t the same people.

I miss talking about the most random things.

I want to have you back in my life.

I enjoyed things more with you around.

I just know that you could love me like no other.

You are amazing.

It’s hard for me to move on and date because I know that they wouldn’t be you.

Every time I think of you I think of love.

What’s the point of loving if I just love alone?

I can’t wait to see you.

I miss your hugs.

I’m not hanging on to the memory of you.

But I find you in everything that I do.

I go through the motions of my life.

But I find you in the corners of my mind.

There’s no way of knowing where life will lead me.

So this is good bye.

Things I did today

I woke up.
Went over to melbes.
Helped her move furniture.
Had breakfast with melbe and andrea.
Painted some things.
I went and had dinner and ice cream with David.
Sold my guitar to andy.
Paul helped me bring my laundry over to my house.

That's about all.
Talk to you later,
-Cris

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Reality

Death, departure, walk away, walk out
Should I or should I not pout

Family and friends
Lovers and one-night stands

I have loved, lost and lived
How do I trust, how do I love again

I should move on, it's all in my past
But my pain remains, continues and lasts

This pain lingers in my heart, mind and soul
Damn it - why is this world so cold

How can I have faith in God and family
When people I love are taken from me

Where can I find true and loyal friends
I'm sick of the lies, fights and revenge

Hurt continuously, hurt at a young age
How do I love again with all of my rage

How do I get past all of this, show me a sign
So I can leave my sadness, pain and crying behind

Fun with Gemma and Tom

I hungout with gemma and Tom today when I got of work.
It was pretty fun. We went to the guitar center. Man there's all these things I want there.
I need more money lol! Then we ate at baha fresh. Then went over to the archlight.
I had a good today today. Work is kinda stressful but whatever I like what I do.
Anways that's really all that has been going on with me.
I'll talk to you later

goodnight!

Xoxo

.....

Seems like all I ever do these days is work. I like a busy schedule but I miss my days of laying around doing whatever I wanted with my time. I've been saving money too which is great. I saw gemma today we had lunch. I went to work then after work I went to gemmas house and we just hung out and talked for a bit. Its good to have someone to talk too about just random things. Anyways there is a little drama at work going on cause some reports wherent sent over. I hope it blows over soon cause its not fun. Goodnight.

Xoxo
-Cris

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work work and more work

all i did today was wake up.
go to work.
then come home.
watch some movies.
that's about all i did today.
:)

Dirty Laundry

If I keep hanging on to the past will my future be affected by it?
I just wonder why its so hard for me to let go.
It sucks to see the one you onced loved happy with someone else.
It makes me feel like there was something wrong with me.
It makes me feel like I wasn't good enough.
I know I shouldn't care the mother fucker ruined my life.
But I do still care and that sucks ass.
I just want to ignore it. Run away seems like the best thing to do.
I don't want to feel ashamed. It's hard letting go of the past.
But if I don't forgive myself how will I ever really move on?
I hate the way it feels. I hate missing you. It breaks my heart knowing that you don't love me the same way you love her. My hearts broken. I hope one day I won't care.
I hope it gets better. It's time for a change. It's time that I forgive myself for all the horrible shitty things I have done. I know that no one is perfect. But I try my best to be the best person I can. I know that I can't run away from my problems. I can't be your friend. You don't understand how much you have hurt me. I would have done anything for you. But you don't care. You don't care that I sometimes cry myself to sleep. I miss you. You don't even notice that I'm missing from your life. You don't even care to ask me how I am. I loved you. Doesn't that mean anything? I know it's time for change. I forgive you. I forgive you for loving her and not wanting me.
I forgive myself for missing you. You are the worst part of me. I hope one day you realize how much of selfish asshole you are. You aren't worthy of my time or my energy.
I'm glad that I am a stranger to you now. You where never worth any part of me.

Blackberry shit

My phones been fucking pissing me off lately. It just turns off whenever it wants the batter isn't dead. It has never been able to send MMS phone text messages. It just randomly deletes all texts and emails and phone logs. The zeros has never worked on this fucking phone. I mean shit when I bought it I paid like 34O for a fucken pieces of shit phone. Egh. I guess this is why I have decided to get a new phone. The problem is which one. I really want an iphone but it'll be a pain trying to text people. I mean I never call anyone these days I text everyone. I guess I could get used to it but I really need a new phone. Hmmm. What's a girl to do.

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Midnight Run

I worked all day came home tired as all hell but couldn't fall asleep. I watched sex in the city season 2. I gotta call from gemma at like 1O and went to go pick her up. We hung out for a while and talked about life. I miss her. I'm glad that we are hanging out more. :) anyways talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight xoxo
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Pink Hair

Ya its true. I got new hair. Do you like it?

Daily Grind

Nothing interesting happened today at work I got a lot done. I talked to alice today for a bit. I hope we get to see each other soon I miss her. I called lynn to plan my summer trip but he doesn't know his schedule yet so we are gonna have to wait to finish planning the trip. When I got off I went and had dinner with paul. Andy joined us at mexicalli. Andy treated us that was really nice of him. Came home worked some more and watched a little sex in the city. I'm on a mission to watched all the seasons. Anyways I'm sleepy. Goodnight!

Xoxo
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Time for Friends

I saw one of my friends from high school. I haven't seen her in 1O years. she just happens to be my best friends sister. Well you see in high school I was best friends with Martha and I never really talked to Gemma in high school. Its funny how somethings changes and others stay the same. I was really happy to see her, I hope we hangout again before she's leaves and goes back home. It was good to see Gemma too. I haven't seen her in a year. We gotta hangout more.
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Fortune Cookie

Awesome! This made me happy.
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Saturday Pre-production

I woke up and spent the day rewriting songs and recording a little bit. Then paul came over and brought us food. Melbe had a bbq so we went down to her house and chilled. I had a good day today. I talked to steve for a bit and alice. David called earlier in the day but I was recording and didn't talk. I need to call roy tomorrow see what he wanted. Tomorrow gemi has a bday party but I'm gonna stay home and work cause I need the money and I wanna relax a bit before I gotta go to work on monday. I like my job. I'm happy. Anyways I'll talk to you later.

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If the shoe doesn't fit

Would you wear it anyways?
I mean say you have a pair of shoes that you think look amazing and that would be perfect for you, but you find out that they are the last pair and they aren't in your size and you know that they could and would bring you happiness if you owned them. Do you buy them anyways and take them home. If you wear them they would hurt your feet and give you blisters. Would you wear it anyways?

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I fell of the face of the planet.

I don't know why but lately I've just been distancing myself from everyone.
I just feel like I don't have quality friends.
I mean I would do anything for the people that I let into my life.
But I feel like over the last 10 years the people that I hold dearest to my heart, well they don't return the favor. Maybe its just all in my head, but sometimes I feel used.
I feel neglected. I feel like my friendships are like plants. You need to water them to insure that they will survive. Meaning that I feel like I have to see my friends and hangout with them and converse with them for our friendship to flourish and survive the length of time.
I feel fortune. I feel lucky. I appreciate the friends I have in my life.
So why do I feel like I'm so alone and that no one understands me?
I guess going into hiding is my way of thinking about the future friendships I will have.
Which friends do I want to take with me over the next 30+ years of my life.
Will it be you? Do you have what it takes to stay in my life?
Its strange. My phone never rings. Is that my fault?
I guess so. I guess when I push people away its kinda hard for them to hear that I'm really just asking for them to care. For them to notice that I'm not around. For them to miss me like I miss them. I haven't seen so many friends in such a long time. I want that to change.
I want to keep the good friends I have. I want to feel like someone cares. At least I know that one person does at least. That's all it takes right. I know I care.
I want to be there for you when you cry and need a friend. I want to be there through the happy times when all there is a joy in your heart. I want to be the one you want to share that happiness with.
I want to have the kind of life the people only dream of. I'm well on my way.
But will you stand beside me? Will you care enough to want to be that friend for me?
I hope so. I look forward to my life. I look forward to our future as friends.
So again. I'm sorry for falling of the face of the planet. I'll try my best not to let it happen again.
Will you forgive me?

Foot Featish

I dont understand.
I mean why do people like feet so much?
We walk around in them all day.
And sometimes they smell.
But oh man does it feel good when someone takes the time to rub your feet.
I love it.
I don't think I could live without them.
My toes look like little small fingers.
I wonder what it would feel like if someone sucked on my toes.
Would I like it?
To think of my feet in someone's mouth kinda turns me on.
Mmmmmmmmmm.
Its weird.
I'm strange.
So I guess this is me admitting that I have a Foot Featish.
How do you feel about it?

Lasik Eye Surgery

I woke up this morning and went to go take my friend David to have Lasiks Eye Surgery.
I watched the whole procedure and it only took like 20 mins or less. It was pretty strange.
So they take your eye ball and cut a circle in your top most layer of your eye.
Then they use the laser that kind of burns your cornia and I guess it like reshapes it.
It was pretty interesting to watch. My friend is feeling better and doesn't have too many complains other than it feels like there is a something stuck in his eye. He said he could see right off the bat. Though after seeing this happen I've decided that I don't want my eye balls burned and reshaped..
I like my fucked up eyes and besides I'm a fan of my nerdy glasses. lol!

New Job

So I got this new job where I do bookkeeping and its pretty awesome.
I spend all day just hanging out with cool people and doing something that I'm good at its pretty cool. I'm actually happy again. I think working a lot helps me to put things in perspective. I'm glad that melbe hired me again. She's a really good friend and a good boss. She inspires me to be the best version of me that there is. I haven't seen paul in days so we decided to go eat dinner together. The famous ihop. Mmmmm breakfast. Anyways I'll talk to you later.

Love,
-Cris
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Sickness and Days off.

I woke up this morning at like 2am. I felt so gross.
I was supposed to work early but couldn't go in cause it felt nasty.
I stayed home all day chilled.
Ate some good food and hungout.
Played alittle video games.
I worked out alittle bit today.
That's all that is going on with me.

Sunday Drive

After I woke up at aisha's house we went to go eat breakfast. I had this hugs waffle with fresh strawberrys and whipcream it was sooo yummy. Then on the way home I decided to drive the canyon from Landcaster to Tujunga>> It was so much fun!

Driving with the windows down.


The Exit

Directions

The View

Don't Look back


Look fun:

Saturday Off

I went over to melbe's house in the morning and we decided that we where not going to move so we went down to the farmers market in santa monica and walked around got some really good fruit. We drove back to silver lake and melbe treated me to a manicure/pedicure it was really awesome. I haven't had my nails done in a really long time it was a pleasent treat. We meet up with andrea at jinky's on ventura, I had some french toast it was delicious. After that we went back to melbe's house and I decided that I wanted to bling out my phone which took some time. Went over to pauls house to watch alittle Moonlight. I'm totally addicted to that show now. At about 7:30 I drove out to go see Aisha. We all went to see Sex In The City which was pretty cool I guess. Then we all got hungry so we drove off to denny's to have a little late night snack/muniches. Drove off to Aisha's house and chatted abit and passed out. That's what I did. Here are some photos :



Melbe Driving to the beach.
Melbe dancing in the car like always. Us somewhere in Hollyweird.


Melbe and Andrea at Jinky's Cafe in Studio City
Me showing off my Manicure.
Kathy, Aisha and Me just getting out of seeing Sex In The City



mmmmm Munchies Late night denny's run


Content and decided what to eat
Who needs Silverware when you have your fingers


yummy hot wings