The Way I See Things: February 2012

I realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. I come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and I am not Cinderella and that in the real world, there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with myself and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

I awaken to the fact that I am not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what I am ... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And I've learned the importance of loving and championing myself and in the process, a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

I stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to me (or didn't do for me) and I learn that the only thing I can really count on is the unexpected. I learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for me and that it's not always about me. So, I learn to stand on my own and to take care of myself and in the process, a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

I stop judging and pointing fingers and I begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process, a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

I realize that much of the way I view myself and the world around me, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into my psyche. I begin to sift through all the junk I've been fed about how I should behave, how I should look and how much I should weigh, what I should wear and where I should shop and what I should drive, how and where I should live and what I should do for a living, who I should marry and what I should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what I owe my parents. I learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. I begin reassessing and redefining who I am and what I really stand for.

I learn the difference between wanting and needing and I begin to discard the doctrines and values I've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process, I learn to go with my instincts.

I learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and I stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for my next fix.

I learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which I must build a life.

I learn that I don't know everything; it's not my job to save the world and that I can't teach a pig to sing. I learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. I learn that the only cross to bear is the one I choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then I learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. I learn not to project my needs or my feelings onto a relationship. I learn that I will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on my arm or the child that will eventually bear my name.

I learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as I would have them be. I stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

I learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love; and I learn that I don't have the right to demand love on my terms, just to make me happy.

I learn that alone does not mean lonely. I look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that I will never be perfect and I stop trying to compete with the image inside my head and agonizing over how I "stack up" in the world.

I also stop working so hard at putting my feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring my needs. I learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is my right, to want things and to ask for the things that I want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

I come to the realization that I deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and I won't settle for less. I allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes me, to glorify me with his touch and in the process, I internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And I learn that my body really is my temple. And I begin to care for it and treat it with respect. I begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. I learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So I take more time to rest. Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul; so I take more time to laugh and to play.

I learn that for the most part in life, I get what I believe I deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen, is different from working toward making it happen.

More importantly, I learn that in order to achieve success I need direction, discipline and perseverance. I also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

I learn that the only thing I must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time; FEAR itself. I learn to step right into and through my fears, because I know that whatever happens, I can handle it and to give in to fear, is to give away the right to live life on my terms.

I learn to fight for my life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. I learn that life isn't always fair, I don't always get what I think I deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, I learn not to personalize things. I learn that God isn't punishing me or failing to answer my prayers; it's just life happening.

I learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego. I learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of me and poison the universe that surrounds me. I learn to admit when I am are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

I learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things I take for granted; things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, I begin to take responsibility for myself, by myself and I make myself a promise to never betray myself and to never ever settle for less than my heart's desire. I hang a wind chime outside my window so I can listen to the wind, and I make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in my heart and with God by my side I take a stand, I take a deep breath and I begin to design the life I want to live as best as I can.

Follow My Blog:
www.crislynsandisat.blogspot.com