Dirty Laundry

If I keep hanging on to the past will my future be affected by it?
I just wonder why its so hard for me to let go.
It sucks to see the one you onced loved happy with someone else.
It makes me feel like there was something wrong with me.
It makes me feel like I wasn't good enough.
I know I shouldn't care the mother fucker ruined my life.
But I do still care and that sucks ass.
I just want to ignore it. Run away seems like the best thing to do.
I don't want to feel ashamed. It's hard letting go of the past.
But if I don't forgive myself how will I ever really move on?
I hate the way it feels. I hate missing you. It breaks my heart knowing that you don't love me the same way you love her. My hearts broken. I hope one day I won't care.
I hope it gets better. It's time for a change. It's time that I forgive myself for all the horrible shitty things I have done. I know that no one is perfect. But I try my best to be the best person I can. I know that I can't run away from my problems. I can't be your friend. You don't understand how much you have hurt me. I would have done anything for you. But you don't care. You don't care that I sometimes cry myself to sleep. I miss you. You don't even notice that I'm missing from your life. You don't even care to ask me how I am. I loved you. Doesn't that mean anything? I know it's time for change. I forgive you. I forgive you for loving her and not wanting me.
I forgive myself for missing you. You are the worst part of me. I hope one day you realize how much of selfish asshole you are. You aren't worthy of my time or my energy.
I'm glad that I am a stranger to you now. You where never worth any part of me.