I fell of the face of the planet.

I don't know why but lately I've just been distancing myself from everyone.
I just feel like I don't have quality friends.
I mean I would do anything for the people that I let into my life.
But I feel like over the last 10 years the people that I hold dearest to my heart, well they don't return the favor. Maybe its just all in my head, but sometimes I feel used.
I feel neglected. I feel like my friendships are like plants. You need to water them to insure that they will survive. Meaning that I feel like I have to see my friends and hangout with them and converse with them for our friendship to flourish and survive the length of time.
I feel fortune. I feel lucky. I appreciate the friends I have in my life.
So why do I feel like I'm so alone and that no one understands me?
I guess going into hiding is my way of thinking about the future friendships I will have.
Which friends do I want to take with me over the next 30+ years of my life.
Will it be you? Do you have what it takes to stay in my life?
Its strange. My phone never rings. Is that my fault?
I guess so. I guess when I push people away its kinda hard for them to hear that I'm really just asking for them to care. For them to notice that I'm not around. For them to miss me like I miss them. I haven't seen so many friends in such a long time. I want that to change.
I want to keep the good friends I have. I want to feel like someone cares. At least I know that one person does at least. That's all it takes right. I know I care.
I want to be there for you when you cry and need a friend. I want to be there through the happy times when all there is a joy in your heart. I want to be the one you want to share that happiness with.
I want to have the kind of life the people only dream of. I'm well on my way.
But will you stand beside me? Will you care enough to want to be that friend for me?
I hope so. I look forward to my life. I look forward to our future as friends.
So again. I'm sorry for falling of the face of the planet. I'll try my best not to let it happen again.
Will you forgive me?