Lost in La

I don't know,
I guess it is just everything about this town.
See I've lived here my whole life and I'm just sick of this town.
The people are rude and so fake.
I want to really travel and see the world.
Not just this fish bowl Los Angeles that I live in.
I'm not happy here so I've decided I'm leaving this town.
Plan is to work like crazy.
Save a shit load of money.
And hightail it out of here.
Should be interesting.
I don't know where I am going to move too just yet.
We will have to see how everything pans out.
But anyplace is better than this place.
I want to live somewhere the people are real, friendly.
Just a home town kind of place where I would feel comfortable raising my childern.
For the first time in my life I feel ok with being single.
I mean I'm actually happy.
I hangout with my one of my closet friends paul.
We spend alot of time together and I think that its a good thing.
Because I will miss him when I move away from this shitty place.
I hate living at home with my mom it could be worse but I just need a break from her for a really long time.
Anyways I guess I'm done with this town.
After all if I'm lost in Los Angeles, I will be lost anywhere.
So I plan to get to know myself because I want to be a whole person when I move away from this place.
I want to be the best person that I can be to my friends,
lovers and most of all for myself.
Its time for me to be selfish.
I've been writing alot of songs lately and that makes me feel good.
Also going to church I feel has really helped me.
Though I really have to say I miss lynn just everything about him.
He was a really good friend.
He was probably one of the only people who really made me feel loved and appreciated.
I could have been a better friend to him but I can't change the past
but I can grow and learn from my mistakes.
It will be so awesome when I can see him again.
I look forward to that day though I have learned to take things one step at a time.
I can't wait to see what the future holds for me.
I want the best in life.
The best in love and fuck it I'm going to live my life to the fullest not caring what people think.
I am who I am and that's all I can be.
I think that the reason why I want to start over and move away from here is because when I'm old and on my death bed I want to be able to say that I lived my life well.
I want to travel make new friends and start a life somewhere.
Meet an amazing guy and have a family.
I know that maybe I should care about my career, but it doesnt matter to me what I do.
It only matters that I enjoy what it is that I do with my life.
Even if that means being single for a really long time.
I am ok with that.
I know I am strong and independant and able to give myself everything that I need to be happy.
So here is to the future whatever it may be.
Love,
Cris